Just a quick post here of various bits and bobs. none really worthy of a full post so they are all clumped together here.I have two posts ongoing just now – one is another fiction story my Master set me… I love writing them, so hopefully not too long before that is ready. the other – well, that all depends on if my Master will allow it to be public *grins* but is regarding a recent roundtable on submissive guide regarding financial control. It posed a few questions that i would like to write about.

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Well, the past few days have been awful. I finally have my email account back under my Master’s and my own control – for what good that is now. I am beyond being angry now, i never can hold anger for long with anyone. I am just immensely upset and hurt at losing some emails that were very precious to me. To have someone, for whatever reason they had, delete without thought…. I love my Master with all my heart and soul. He has been my rock these past few days – as always. Someone reminded me recently that everything happens for a reason and suggested that if old memories are lost, maybe this is the opportunity to make new ones. Those words have made a lot of sense.. When I remember to remember them that is! lol – when I don’t remember I feel myself slipping into despair again.

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I am hoping to make a rosary soon. The little scrotum has sort of screwed a lot of things up thanks to my emails going missing, but I have been thinking of making a rosary for a while now. Master said he thought it was a good idea when I spoke to him last week about it. my personal view is to make one that reflects and i personal to me alone. So when complete, it will be a mixture of both religious prayer and slave prayer. I have almost got it set in my mind, but I will be drawing it out for my Master first and his decision on the prayers. He has already suggested a few for me to think about.

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Master shocked me yesterday. He had said something a few weeks ago about a rule he was thinking of.. He never said at the time (I don’t think…) of when he was thinking of putting it in place! I was told yesterday….

As of 1st January 2010 I will have to ask permission to masturbate.

*cough, splutter* hmm. okay…

Now. I know this one is going to be hard…. okay.. Honestly I really don’t know if i can achieve this; it’s not as if those things are planned or set on a schedule or anything….

Yeah, this one I am very nervous about – for a number of reasons. But my Master has set the rule and given a date for it starting, I will abide by his rules as always. I am hoping it will not take me long to get used to asking for permission… and I don’t want to fail him – I don’t like that feeling. and there is another reason I am very nervous about which is I have always been a very sexual and spontaneously sexually active person.. and not all masturbation equates to orgasm – to dispell one myth – I for one, as a member of the female sex, find it difficult to reach orgasm alone. I need a Man.. *grins* a Man’s touch… Mmmm. Yum..

Anyway.
To wait until I can speak to my Master… to find the guts to ask him… and yes, potentially have my request refused. I am nervous about losing my sex drive. This rule will take me somewhere I have never been before. To be honest I am downright dreading it!

I am on the other hand excited about seeing how this one pans out… Part of me is looking forward to asking my Master’s permision. Of relying on him for that as well. Of being that little bit more dependant on his will…

If that little scrotum has shown me one thing alone, it would be that although my Master’s emails are important to me, my Master is my world. I love him far deeper and more completely than anyone. He has taken me to uncharted waters already and continues to do so every day. Nothing, NO ONE will destroy my love for him. No one can take away from me how my Master makes me feel.

So.. new year, new rules, new days dawning.

Its on its way.
God willing, that 4500 miles and bloody big pond will get a little smaller this coming year. God willing, someday soon I will be with my Master.

From Master Aeros:

To those that read my kajira’s blog, please send your heart to my kajira. Yesterday and today her email account had been hacked. Add insult to injury the hacker was an 18 year old student. I have gone through lengths to change her affected email account but unfortunately not knowing if the young man has logged off from it as of yet.

The maddening fact is that the young hacker deleted everything from her email account. Everything. Though this happened  around 7 hours ago, my fury of it still burns as that young man hurt my dina deeply. Though the intensity of my fury has diminished  it still remains. My kajira is devastated by the lose of the many emails that have gone back and forth between us since February of this year.

It tears at my heart that such a careless young man could get her into tears and frantic as I try to get passwords changed and to return her affected account back under our control again.

Please send your heartfelt regards to my dina. she needs the support right now. Thank you…….

Master Aeros

my Master Aeros,

I have just woken with tears in my eyes, tears of happiness for the dreams we share. I had to write this one out for you and I leave it to you alone if it is shared public or not. It is a dream that has brought me great happiness and feelings of joy my Master, even if the contents are impossible.It is a dream that is personal with intimate moments.

Three things last night you gave me in dream, three things that brought me to tears and to your feet. 1. A wolf’s warning, 2. a blue cushion and 3. an infant.

1. A wolf I felt dragging my leg, my calf. at 11:30pm to put my book down and join him in sleep. I know I was 50/50 between sleep and awake as I read, I was reading the Song of Songs at the time. To feel that dragging on my right calf, the insistence.. Twice it happened and at the second occasion I put my book down and turned off the light.  It could only come from one source and as sleep came he was waiting for me. Thank you.

2. As always to share a dream with you is a blessing and magickal moment between us. We were in a living room, I couldn’t say whether UK or USA but then it does not really matter. I think it was UK.  I was nestled at your feet on a thick blue floor cushion. I know you had bought it for me. I had clothes on, they were nightwear and a blanket was around me to stay a chill. The cushion broke the hardness of the floor, making it easier to remain where I long to be every single evening, nestled at my Masters feet, cuddled close between his legs. Thank you.

3. To be curled there, have my head resting against your Jean clad leg, watching your face as you were engrossed – captivated, the face of my Master and love, was a wonderful moment… to watch you as you held your daughter in your arms and on your lap.

Master, we both know that this is nigh on impossible, but to watch it unfold in dream… Thank you. She was only a few weeks old, maybe six weeks…with a head of thick brown hair and still blue eyes.  To see her gazing up at you, trying to smile back at her father, arms with tiny fists raised. To see her fingers curl and hang tight to yours. To see the pure  joy and love on your face was what brought me to tears, to know that if it were possible, given time, and God’s grace, this would most likely not be just a dream.

Thank you my Master Aeros.
I love you.

Mmmm…. I do like lazy mornings. You know, the ones where you wake up alone in bed, still wondering with awe at the sexually charged dream you have just had. Wet with need and desire.

I love those mornings.

Rabbit came out to play. *grins*
Now I am not one for vaginal stimulation, but hell I love those rabbit ears and it doesn’t take much to tip me over that edge and into sweet oblivion.

Especially when I’ve just woken from a dream in which my Master had his hands around my throat, controlling my breathing as he took me hard and unrelenting over a kitchen table.

Please Master…. May a girl beg for more?

YouTube – Roy Chubby Brown – Jingle Bollocks.

This is just a classic.
Yes, I know it is an old one…. yeah yeah.
Still has me laughing to the point of tears!

Stuck on another song… yeah, when I dropped on this video I was in that sort of mood… Things are a little rocky at home and I find I cannot bite my tongue any longer.

Got to be one of the best if not the best of Sting’s songs though. Enjoy.

   Christmas time is a wonderful and joyful time of year. Laughter and presents to go around. Eggnog and love to pass from one person to the next. The hills and valleys covered in a white blanket of snow and children on sleds and making snowmen. A time for kindness and kindness. A moment in the year where everyone celebrates in kindred.

   There is but only one wish for this Master that will have to wait until the next Christmas season comes to be. My sole wish is to have My dina home for Christmas. To have her home to cherish the joyous holiday season.  Aye, it shall happen I know. But this is a time to share in One’s hopes and dreams. And my kajira is the only gift I want for Christmas. For I have known her before we had found each other. I have been with my kajira as wolf cub when she was a child, a wolf when she has been an adult and her Assassin now. I know well that her homecoming will be special this coming year as it shall be for Myself as well. My dina will be finally home after so many years of us being apart.

   My dina, you are My pride and joy. The gift of your love glows and burns with pride in My own heart. I am lucky and fortunate that what we have is nothing less than what it is. Completeness. And so come next Christmas, I want you underneath the tree with nothing but a red bow on…..

Don’t you just love our Masters?!

I changed the appearence of my blog a month ago… and to be honest I did not particularly like what I had changed  it to..

Then Master comes along. Decides after a while he does not like it and it does not suit my personality and changes the theme completely!

Love you my Master
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…and I love the new look as well!

It is peaceful here. The canopy overhead is teaming with life, with natures creation and the only sounds to be heard are our footsteps as we walk and the birds and life present in these woods. We walk in silence, hand in hand and bodies touching, leaning into one another as if unable to stand being apart, unable to break contact for very long. We are miles from any civilisation and I am glad. Master knows where we are, I have not got a clue but that does not upset me at all, rather it comforts me that I am able to just ‘be’ instead of constantly thinking and planning and automatically deciding on the vast array of banal details that make up life. I get to walk here instead, in the middle of nowhere with my Master and hearts home. I get to just ‘be’, to feel the grass beneath my feet, still damp as we walk to the stream and although it is early and the earth has not warmed I am not cold, just happy as we walk in silence. I watched him dress this morning, pulling his jeans and tee on, his socks and then boots. No one was about and no one would be so I chose to remain as I was, naked with only a small silver band circling my neck. Now as we walk I can feel the air caress my skin and I am enjoying this freedom.

I know I am not posting as often as usual right now. A lot of things have been happening over the past few weeks and my mind seems to have proven itself not as strong as I would like it to be. The lack of posts here has not been because I have not been writing; just nothing I have written has been in any way, shape or form suitable for here!

Hell, it’s bad enough my Master reading the words that haven’t been posted. I am grateful that he is forcing me to show him those words though, right now I don’t have the strength to offer them freely but I don’t actually want to hide.

I have read “By the River Piedra” by Paulo Coelho recently. Actually I have read it three times in a row from beginning to end. It was a book recommended to be by someone who sometimes I think is a friendly person, then other times I would happily take pleasure in ripping his balls off slowly… Ah well, I have to keep reminding myself he actually means well and what he does is what he believes is right even if I do not agree… AT ALL – and, I am thankful for his phone calls over the past few weeks and his immediate reaction and help when I didn’t know what to do.